indonesia bukan debu di mulutmu

waktu itu pernah, seseorang menunjuk saya dan berkata, 'kamu masih muda, tapi kenapa sudah sebegitu sinisnya?' nyatanya, kalimat itu memang tidak hanya sekali dua kali mampir di kuping. tapi sering. bapak di kantor malah pernah menasehati saya begini, 'if you are my age, i can understand, but you are so young, so many things to look forward to.' biasanya, bila sedang malas, saya hanya mendengus. tapi jika stamina cukup, saya akan menjawab, 'saya menjadi seperti ini bukan dalam sekedipan mata. ada prosesnya.'

 

ya. saya adalah avid complainer. mengeluh terus. sepanjang hari. sepanjang waktu. mulut ini rasanya tidak berengsel. kalimat-kalimat yang keluar jarang positif. ada saja yang bisa diberatkan. tapi, terserah mau percaya atau tidak, saya tidak peduli, saya bisa bilang bahwa saya adalah pengeluh yang nasionalis. jangan pernah berdebat dengan saya tentang sinisme terhadap indonesia. saya tidak suka.

 

protes-protes pada negara ini waktunya disudahi. kami generasi muda sudah waktunya mulai menemukan solusi. bukan meromantisasi masa lalu kemudian menunjuk pada hidung-hidung para pelaku sejarah yang konon membuat kacau.

 

terserahlah, orang-orang di masa lalu itu pernah berbuat salah dan sekarang akibatnya semua kena batunya. sampai kapan mau mengutuk. apakah akan berhenti semua serapah. dan yang lebih penting. apa ada bedanya lidah-lidah yang terlalu tajam dengan tangan-kaki-badan yang selalu bergeming.

 

terus terang, saya juga merasa jijik kepada mereka yang sepertinya tidak pernah berterimakasih kepada bangsanya. indonesia ini sudah terluka sedemikian parahnya. apa masih perlu dikucuri jeruk nipis dan ditaburi garam. saya masih ingat jelas kata-kata guru PPKN di sekolah menengah dulu, pak Tri, namanya. saya juga ingat bahwa pada saat itu sedang heboh koalisi Megawati, Gus Dur dan Amien Rais. beliau bilang, 'saya mengerti bahwa pemimpin kita banyak melakukan kesalahan, tetapi jika di hadapkan dengan pihak luar, sebagai sebuah bangsa, sudah selayaknya kita ikut membela kehormatannya. bukan berarti tidak memperkarakan kesalahannya. tapi lebih bijak dalam menyikapi perbuatannya. kalian kan sudah belajar pengertian harkat dan martabat manusia. nanti, pada saatnya, kalian akan belajar mengenai harkat dan martabat sebuah bangsa.' saya tidak pernah tahu mengapa the greater force melekatkan ingatan saya kuat-kuat pada kata-kata itu. tapi saya memang mempercayai kata-kata itu.

 

mungkin jika sepatu saya anda pakai, anda akan mengerti mengapa penting bagi saya untuk tidak pesimis dan sinis terhadap negara saya. mengapa sangat mendesak bagi saya untuk tetap percaya bahwa negara ini pasti akan menemukan obatnya.

 

maaf, teman. mengeluh itu pada tempatnya. jika tentang indonesia. saya menolak menjadi pengeluh.

 

 

to those who between my chest and your fragrance*

why are you by yourself?

siapa yang tahu. apalagi peduli. lagipula, kamu juga sendiri.

but, we have been watching each other, then.

tentu saja. saya, tak tahu mengapa, tidak bisa berpaling.

tacky. is that even true?

dengarlah apa saja yang kau percaya.

then see what your eyes want to see.

tidak ada yang memaksa. saya. kamu. semua boleh melamun.

and create whatever they want to believe in their heads?

asal jangan biarkan orang lain tahu.

so, people won't think we're missing chemicals in our brain?

kamu pintar juga ternyata.

hell, yeah. that's what people told me since i'm not goodlooking.

memangnya itu lebih penting?

not more than being goodlooking, at least.

lalu mengapa saya perlu berlagak mikir padahal diam-diam mencuri pandang?

i really don't know. maybe it's all in the minds. yours. mine.

otak sepandai itu? punyamu, mungkin. saya?

honestly. i have no idea. but i enjoy the fact that you turn your heads.

untuk menatapmu sekilatan?

no. just to find my face among the others.

tapi saya tidak akan pernah berani lebih dari mencari.

that's okay. i'll wait until you do. even if you don't. i'll understand.

michael jackson, bukan?

ah. you noticed. very good. i never thought you'd recognize.

sama sepertimu. tidak rupawan. mungkin memang harus pintar.

you're funny too. and have a funny laugh. at least in my head you do.

bisakah itu menjadi lebih penting?

again. i don't have the answer. but this alone i enjoy.

saya harus pergi. berpaling ke wajah-wajah lain. yang mungkin tidak akan saya nikmati.

go. just promise me you will keep glancing every now and again.

dan melanjutkan obrolan kita ini. katanya. mata jendela hati. dan mungkin pikiran.

corny. still. i hope they are. i had a good time talking to you. i hope you are too.

 

17.16.15.06.09 tertabur*

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Science Fiction & Fantasy

When we were little, my brother wanted to be Gambit or Cyclops. Meanwhile, when other girls would have wanted to be Jean Grey or Rogue or Storm (not many girls wanted to be Mystique), I wanted to be Wolverine. I don't even know why I'm very much drawn to this character. Maybe because of his dark blue-yellow costume (I used to like yellow). Maybe it was the claws (I'm a paws and claws person). Maybe it was his solitariness (I don't like people). Or his suppressed feelings morphed into rage (no comment). Probably it was altogether. I don't know exactly. I have almost forgotten about this. Then the movie came, I don't know why I was so determined to watch it. Every time I went pass the theatre, I was intrigued to see it. So, I did. I watched it.

During the movie, I felt like I wanted to know things about him. Like Harry Potter fascinated to search for his ancestor. I was fascinated to find out about how he ended up being the dark blue-yellow costumed superhero with adamantium claws. Although I had known the story (my brother being a Marvel-freak), still, it was captivating to find out own my own.

The movie itself was not that good in a way that pieces of the story where X-Men characters were introduced were a bit in a rush, such as when he met Gambit (which also not like what I was expected as a jaw-dropping-French-descent-ladies-man superhero). Although, I can understand because this was seen from Wolvie's point of view (he would probably be more appealing when it were told from Rogue's point of view). Scenes such as how they met Cyclops was also sort of forced to be included in the movie. This resulted in the relationship between Victor Creed (later became Sabretooth), which was Wolvie's half brother and Kayla (which on later Marvel comics became Silver Fox) to be less explored, in which I think should have been worked on more intensely rather than focusing on how Wolverine randomly met all of the other Professor X's future students.

I also find it hard to picture that Zero was actually an Asian descent, because if I'm not mistaken Zero, which will be Maverick eventually, was born sometime before the Cold War, lived in Germany, and had blonde hair. So, I assumed he would be Caucasian, instead of Korean. However, as Hollywood movie are putting in some Asian flavour (especially Korean, for instance in movies like Yes Man or He's Just Not Into You or Nick and Norah Infinite Playlist), I was not really that surprised. It may well be a subtle political act of America for countering the paranoia of the made in Korea rockets (the ship, not the arugula).

I don't think I need to explain further for the special effect. It is not like what I have expected. The make up was okay in some part, but bad in some others. I think the make-up artist concentrated more on Logan and Victor's make up that they forgot to pimp the other characters, most prominent poor make-up was Blob (I didn't know that the name Blob was initiated by Blob himself, out of his inner insecurity). I mean if Hollywood can do Mrs. Doubtfire, what's the harm in prepping a fictional comic book character? However, I had to admit that Victor was giving me all the goosebumps. Schreiber out beat Jackman. How he crawled like a big wild cat. Or caressing through cold metal with his claws. Then smiling, showing his fangs. Goosebumps!

I also think that the plot is jolting every now and again. With the opening scene of Logan (or still James, Jimmy for Victor) in his childhood then killed his biological father to the scene where they took part in almost every war there were in America, I thought that the movie would be exploring more about Logan's character, how he reached that Wolverine phase. Instead, the movie was about the major stages in his life, since the beginning until he became Wolverine. It would be more interesting to explore on his relationship with Victor, from brothers to buddies to arch nemesis, from Victor calling him Jimmy then changed to Logan, then Jimmy again.

Still, I like this movie very much, because I like Wolverine so much. I was a bit disappointed to see there are too much action and not so much plot and drama. Well, it's kind of hard to adjust when my standard prequel movie would be Batman Begins to the least. I mean, it's not rocket science to build a good story and a thrilling action, if The Dark Night and StarWars can do it, why not do it to one of the most celebrated comics? It's Marvel we're talking about here!

But, Kltpzyxm, anyway. I would zap myself to watching this movie over and over again. This movie gives me the warmth (and the creep) like when I watched Prince Caspian. So, my rate for this movie is four stars, all for personal reasons.

note to self (1)

kamu pasti orangnya pemilih, ya? atau jangan-jangan masih terlalu sibuk mengejar karir, ya? oh, saya tahu, masih pengin s2, s3 dan s-s lainnya, kan? 

(sambil tersenyum) oh, nggak, kok, pak. saya cuma jelek saja. 

oh.. (mungkin kaget dan menjadi canggung untuk menanggapi).

Changeling

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Drama

Just like what I said to a friend via mobile text, 'Clint Eastwood is a smart man, but even the smartest man made mistakes.' And by all means I merely referred to his decision to cast Angelina Jolie for this movie. Which also made me think why in the world did she even think of getting an Oscar, didn't she even watch this?

Disagree all you want, but the story is actually very interesting, though I also think that the plot could have been more evoking. The story tells not only about a mother in search of his missing son, but also about a corrupt police corps (LAPD) back in 1920's. The title itself 'Changeling' (if I'm not mistaken) referred to a mythical creature offspring who is left in exchange for a human child, quite depicting a part of the movie.

I personally think it is hard to make a movie weighing upon two equally important problems. Viewers are likely to be distracted and later on become confused of (if it is not bored with) which exactly is the prominent problem. For this movie, Eastwood should have been more consistent in maintaining the primary problem (a mother's effort in finding her missing son), but it seems that Eastwood too wanted to put a high(er)light on the corrupt LAPD. Although if he meant to do so, he should have put more emphasis on how corrupt it was, instead of just placing John Malkovich who played as Reverend Briegleb who pointed out hotchpotch of LAPD's records of misconducts (such as the infamous Gun-Squad). In which it then drifted the Christine Collins story away (which then revived at most of the end part). Having said that, it is possible to have two prominent problems in a movie, but somehow, with the poor consistency of the plot added up with Jolie acting as Christine Collins, it did not yield the expected effect. Most probably because she was too busy being sexy, as you would see Jolie protruding her futon lips of hers just a bit too much during the whole movie. The syphilis examination at the asylum part is not making her acting any better (I just never get it why directors always used the formula of exposing naked bodies in gloomy movies then hoping for an award). On the other hand, I sincerely think that Jeffrey Donovan played Captain J.J. Jones well. He was very convincing playing as a police officer whose pride is bigger than his head. At least i felt like throwing a shoe at his prick face. Gordon Northcott the sociopath serial killer was also quite well played by Jason Butler Harner.

Well, overall, this is a good movie, despite the Angelina Jolie thing, I liked it. For the Christine Collins' story good plot, poor actor. Whilst for the LAPD's story good actors, poor plot. So, it's a balance.

It also serves as a nice research object for sophomore college students of literary studies. You would find women struggle from disempowerment (if such word exists). Compared it to the Mystic River (also Eastwood's), voila! You got yourself an essay of child abuse (no pun intended, I'm not being sarcastic).

Overall verdict: three stars!

big girls ain't supposed to cry, if you do i'll understand..

i questioned myself of being sociopath

not only because changeling and oprah reruns

used it many times that day,

but most of all because

i went on with angels and demons

when i should have gone home and mourned,

even after i learned you were gone.

the flashing thoughts of how they must have felt

should have aggravated mine;

but you see, i could never discern,

whether these are of condolence or

a mere selfishness

yet, somehow, to some extent

i do miss you,

and wished it never happened.

or at least i had been more prepared.

 

24.05.2009

big joke:

kalau sudah begini,

mukaku memang tidak mbaduti

terlihat terlalu judes

pinggul dan panggul pun

kebesaran untuk muat

di rok balet

apalagi untuk terlihat imut

mau bagaimana lagi?

 

your piece

doesn't match my puzzle

 

then;

shall we grab a beer and disappear?