lustfool

sebenarnya, kau mau aku seperti apa? fooling around is fun, but it's also a handfull. aku tidak merasa tertekan, even when i don't have your number. itu pilihanku. untuk tidak menyimpan nomormu. and your choice for keeping mine, but not to dial it. which i respect and admire. aku tidak akan seteguh itu. i inboxed you on facebook to fix my glasses, didn't i. and was happy that you responded in less than half an hour. i was still in jogja then. mereka semua sengaja ku cc. i would lose my guard if it were only subjected to you. but then again i need to know if you still care for me. entah untuk apa. maybe i will always miss you. karena kamulah orang dewasa pertama dan mungkin satu-satunya yang membuatku merasa penting dan dihargai. you also make me feel loved and wanted. jadi, selelah dan serumit apapun bersama atau tanpamu, i don't think i'll ever mind.

i hope i can gradually learn to stop all this wishful thinking. karena kata narasumber rachael ray tadi siang, it's okay not to be happy.

problems of the world #2

this morning i met that little chinese girl, her older brother and their maid again on the bus. i used to respect all of them just the same. until her older brother sat on that seat instead of giving it to his little sister.

 

really. no matter at what age. why boys would do that?

by the way's (9)

saw a sleepy-eyed siberian husky under a car on a neighbour's carport today, then a tall black cat lingering around a car in front of a neighbour's house, and a tomcat wandering around that lady's house in the rain. just last week, i asked the maid why is the orange blotched cat never seemed to come by the house again. i even thought of a pair of lovebirds or a canary when windowshoping and saw a birdcage shaped lamp shade or literally point at the window when that bird distract our discussion on 'other situation of violence' at the bigboss' office on friday.

i think i really miss having pets. should i get one in this near future?

costaguatamexirico: between the spicy latinas, guerilleros, favellas, and me

there were three latin americans. one was carlos from guatemala. who said i have an american english accent. and thinks that he doesn’t have an accent when speaking english, when he sounded exactly like any CNN reporters. fast. self assured. provocative. and american. i like when he speaks about the marras in el limone. or maybe i just love the topics about gangs. he likes sushi. he often puts facebook status about sushi. i don't understand or speak spanish, but, i can tell it is about sushi when it has the word 'sushi' in it. duh!

 

then there was ricardo from mexico. i don’t know why i remembered ugly betty everytime i saw him. maybe i just love stereotyping. he was this typical latin american aging father in his late 40's to early 50's. he has a deep cracking voice. most likely from too much smoking. and a detective fighting mafia look with his long overcoat and dark suit. maybe it was only the way he was always messy, especially after making phone calls. i guess i watched too many the untouchables or dick tracy. but he is actually a very good listener. ricardo speaks a lot about the drugs cartels in mexico. which i also like. i cannot really explain why but it intrigues me how people would behead several other people just because of drugs.

 

but my favourite was gabriel from argentina. he insisted on everybody to call him gabo. he managed to find away to watch a soccer match in a freezing weather. had i known, i would have joined him. it was argentina versus switzerland. messi was playing! i am not a big fan of messi. but while he was there why wouldn’t you? gabo is a first aid trainer and good at it. but he was my favourite because he likes to cook and love food. he was the only one who really made a pot of fondue while the rest of us just posing while stirring an already cooked pot of fondue. with unwashed hands and all, but cheese already has bacteria and smells like socks anyway, so he was excused.

 

i have never really been that intense in getting to know central americans. the only central americans people i know were columbians, whom two of them were women and looked like drag queens, so my french gay friend said, and the other was a snob doctor i was not really keen on getting to know. wait, i think i know one more. my former bolivian student. whom always looked as if she was having rave party every night. she always seemed to suffer from hangover. she looks like a mixed sandra bullock and julia robert who were always stoned in the morning. but they are a lot like asians, really. they are friendly and warm, cherish their family, and at the same time fiery and passionate and of course have amazing taste buds and eventually outrageously fabulous food.

 

to my level, latin americans should be on the same ground as us asians along with the oceanians and funny africans. the same goes for penguins of the arctic. as for europeans and north americans.. meh! i think they are boring.

 

boy! could i be anymore racist?

in my hindu colleague's humble opinion

in hindu there is no restriction. that is why people pray to shiva. you can ask anything to shiva. he will always grant your wishes. because he was always stoned or high on something. one of our gods even had marijuana. or i think it was shiva.

by the way's (8)

ternyata enak juga pagi-pagi makan blendrang nasi padang. walaupun kalo setiap hari bisa bangkrut juga. untung sarapan hari ini hasil traktiran kemarin.

wishlist (3)

tuhan, tebalkanlah hati dan telingaku untuk menerima perkataan yang bisa membuatku lupa diri. kokohkanlah pikiran dan hatiku untuk tidak begitu saja termakan hawa nafsu. sesungguhnya, emosi yang berlebihan ini terlalu menguras tenagaku. aku tidak sanggup menjalaninya terlalu sering.

wishlist (2)

semoga tuhan selalu menjauhkan kita semua dari kemuraman dan mendekatkan kita semua kepada keceriaan. amin.

problems of the world #1

now why guys at their forties are more interesting than those of almost thirties?

note to self (20)

for every achievement you did not make, you help at least another person to feel glad or safe about him/herself.

by the way's (7)

did you know that by staying below or at people's expectations, you are helping them to feel good about themselves? so, don't feel so bad if you feel like you are going nowhere, at least you are a less threat to other people.

note to self (19)

jika amat sangat tidak terpaksa, setiap kali akan merepotkan orang, ingatlah bahwa di hidup mereka sudah terlalu banyak masalah, jadi, mereka tidak perlu lagi dipusingkan dengan masalahmu.

rutin

tenang saja. seperti jalan berlubang, kubangan air, tai ayam atau orang dengan hiv/aids, saya sudah biasa, kok, dihindari.

note to self (18)

if you do feel annoyed, you don't have to say it, because it reflects in your behavior.  however, if you are not really annoyed and actually enjoy and even just slightly proud doing it, never say otherwise because it makes you an annoying hypocrite.

serendipity

tedong. pammarasan. katokkon.

i hate how things lead me back to you. or i secretly love it that i lead myself to them to get a piece of you back.

just when i thought i was over it

they say torajans share the same ancestors as bataks.

really. why must you. oh, well.

note to self (17)

regardless this big urge to tell you what i had for lunch last sunday and how every bite reminds me of you, especially of how i really love the way you grind chillies and how big your appetite is with that much chillies. two more things of why i have not really walked away from my own delusional image of us. and the fact that when i see or remember you, i remember how exciting falling for something was, as well as i remember how at the same time it was also depressing. and to have it reciprocated is as -if not even more- exciting and depressing.

some things are better kept to yourself.

by the way's (6)

although i rarely admit it, my job is rather interesting and fascinating. it takes me to places i never thought they exist or i never thought i could visit. it got me meeting lots of interesting people. and summer (and winter) flings. at times it gives me mixed feelings. i guess i'm one of the lucky few.

i know that shits lurking probably at every corner every other day of the week. but, hey, what's life without shits and craps? :)

the eames era: a furnicraving

because it's a herman miller's chair. but this one is even vintage. sure it has bruises here and there. bla. bla. bla.

hmmm. herman miller. is that the guy from the munsters' family. nah. that's herman munster.

what! don't tell me you don't know herman miller!

well. maybe you could guess from the clueless-ness of my face.

anyway. he is famous. and it's a dream chair. bla. bla. bla.

okay. just nod and smile as if you agree and in awe.

 

as you could guess. i googled after that. and would gladly inform any of you. that herman miller is a office furniture manufacturer. and is well known for his eames lounge chair. guess that should be the chair in the above conversation.

in that case, i was glad that i don't even want to know how much, where or even how he got it. and yes, even though i cannot afford it. i want it too. the herman miller's eames lounge chair. the one of black leather with the plywood shells.

it looks something like this:

the rodent side of me

oh, sir. please don't ever say that again in front of me. you and i are different.

respectively the order should be cheese, ice cream than chocolate.

don't you dare say that wall's magnum is better than gruyere. ever.

nothing is better than gruyere. well except maybe for emmental.

roots

you root for persipura,
and for me, obviously.

it was an article on liverpool.
but you said 'go, barca!'

i root for guardiola, actually.
but that should do. :)

now is not us

it just so happen,
that in times like these
i remember that cold afternoon
when i sat at the wooden gate
watching the giant mother pig
herding its piglets
by myself;
you'd come to sit beside me
with not a single word said.

i would wonder
; is there an alternate universe,
where you are free
to wrap your arms around me,
offer me your jacket
and i'm happy to respond
with resting my head on your shoulder?

but this is now;
now is real,
and real is not us.

drop dead bored

is there any new and exciting adventure that i am interested in

that i have not been in?

i would really like to know. then get both of my feet on it.