gerutu (15)

ini apa-apaan, sih? ditugaskan itu artinya dipekerjakan. datang untuk bekerja. bukan datang, lalu ingin mesin cuci dengan air panas agar baju putih tetap putih. atau ribut mencari tukang jahit. bagianmu itu mengurusi orang hilang dan ditahan. 

 

what did you think we are? marc jacobs?

note to self (12) ditambah gerutu (8)

even though the world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page, reading the whole book doesn't necessarily make one understand the content of the book. don't just travel the whole world, try to understand the way of the world is as or maybe even more important.

premonition

 

on the 11 may, my horoscope read: 'your alarm clock is likely to get a workout this morning, and the first half of the day might find you in a deep fog. by this agternoon, you can expect some vigorous energy – and maybe even some hot stuff!'

 

well, i did have to go back and forth to the loo even before my alarm went off, because some girlie stuff went in the way not in its time as usual, and yes, the fog did literally caught me in the house not until mid day, though (so we managed to fly back. hallelujah!).

 

 

 

 

soon in the afternoon i had to thank the two smokingly hot pilots (though not necessarily good ones in doing their job compared to pak nelson the veteran pilot which is excused 'cause they look H.O.T(ter) than pak nelson in their uniform) who gave such a vigorous energy to keep me excited rather than anxious flying in such an old plane (with such too young pilots).

 

 

even hotter stuff came up as we landed on the humid capital of the black island. as expected good weather equals to more sun than raindrops.

 

all in all life is under control. and i love my country more than ever.

dulce et decorum est pro partria mori*

by now i am already used to fighting alone.

but, it would be nice to have a companion;

even when s/he does not master any war craft.

or to the least to have people take my side,

'though they will never set foot at the battle ground.

in spirit, together,  we will fight the enemy!

make them aware,

that we don't go for lost battle!

 

hanya ada satu kata:

L A W A N !

 

*it is sweet and right to die for one's country

avada kedavra!

di duniaku, aku adalah hermione. yah. mungkin tidak se-prodigy. atau tidak secantik itu juga. (tidak cantik sama sekali, malah). tidak punya banyak teman. hanya satu yang sangat indigenous. dan satu lagi yang culun tapi baik. tetapi sama-sama darah lumpur. dilahirkan dari yang tidak mengerti sama sekali. tapi akhirnya mencintai setengah mati. bahkan bekerja keras untuk diakui. akan selalu dijegal mafia seperti malfoy. tapi tidak akan pernah putus asa. walau sampai akhir zaman mungkin akan tetap menjadi seperti hermione yang sahabatnya harry. dan selamanya tidak akan pernah punya buku bersambung sendiri. kecuali suatu hari ketika jk rowling mulai picisan nanti.

growling at shits

dosa apa saya kemarin. segala urusan tidak ada yang beres. diawali dengan urusan logistik kantor keparat yang seharusnya selesai sejak 3 bulan yang lalu. sejak sebelum puasa. pre papua. pre surabaya. pre mukernas. pre anyer. which part of my sentence is not clear to his fucking ears. or he is just plain stupid not to get what i was saying. urusan bela-beli barang begini saja birokasinya merepotkan. saya jadi malu dengan rekan kerja saya. mereka dengan rendah hati mau mengikuti kemauan si karyawan bodoh itu. we have fucking agreement, you moron! would you eat the shit if anything goes wrong? yeah. exactly my point. you wouldn't.

 

sudah capek. letih. lemah. lesu. dan tak bersemangat hidup. masih harus ditambah bertarung melawan kemacetan. baru keluar dari kantor saja pemandangan sudah tidak mengenakkan. perempatan penuh mobil dari sana sini. agak lama juga harus menunggu metromini. belum lagi harus beramah-ramah dengan si mantan interpreter. karena sama-sama nunggu di perempatan. dengan kelas yang berbeda tentunya. dia, taksi. saya, bis tigaperempat. malasnya, i should be nice to him considering he just lost his job. but i actually was not, because he was littering sembarangan. he called me rasis terhadap bule kere. maaf ya. referensi saya terhadap kaum anda itu jack mcfarland. yang biar bodoh tapi peduli lingkungan. lagipula this is MY fucking country. you have NO right of destroying it. fother mucker.

 

it was not exactly a comfortable conversation. di pengkolan. macet. ngobrol sama alien. i cannot stand people starring. setelah agak lama akhirnya dapat metromini juga. saved by metromini. ternyata perjuangan tidak juga berhenti. bersama metromini lainnya masih ada 2 jam kemacetan yang harus diterjang. sialnya, sudah nyaris dekat rumah, ada berita dari para supir-supir angkot bahwa sungai di dekat rumah meluap. dammit. padahal hujan tidak sampai seharian. i felt sorry for those people living di bantaran sungai, though. ini memang fenomena yang terjadi di setiap hujan deras. see, bahkan i can no longer put keterangan waktu di situ, karena, yah, hujan dan banjir memang kurang bisa diramalkan. akhirnya setelah muter sana-muter sini dan sms sana-sms sini, akhirnya terbebas juga dari kemacetan dan kebanjiran. perjuangan hari itu diakhiri dengan jalan kaki sekitar lima menit karena kami tidak diturunkan di tempat yang seharusnya (yakni di depan rumah, at least for me). dan khusus untuk saya, digarnish dengan sudah terkuncinya pagar rumah karena ternyata sms saya telat masuknya.

 

oh, life!

jerihpayah

sementara, saya sudah selesai
dengan merasa sia-sia atau tak berguna
sekarang, saya ingin kedip-kedip saja
lihat delapan digit lewat layar mini
meringis girang, dan membayang-bayang
mana duluan, ya? belanja oke juga,
perangkat-perangkat canggih, atau
tidur-tidur di butir buih
mungkin juga bukan di antara mereka
terserahlah, dipikir nanti saja,
lama juga, lho, saya tidak gembira

like no other

things you can only find in papua.
taken in sentani airport. jayapura.
18 september 2008.
sometime around 7ish am eastern indonesian time.

the funeral

during the general's funeral we didn't work all day. this was what we were doing.

after the shooting

suddenly the office is busy again. i guess this coup in dili quite give a good impact for the working condition at the office. these couple of weeks the press review would be all about the shooting and the aftermath. everybody seemed to be working again. well, at least in some depts. not mine, of course. we continued being lazy arses definitely.

 

so, anyways, yesterday the big boss advised us not to use the land line, in case dili contacted. the thing is, dili is not easy to call anyway in the normal days, let alone, at times like these. not only that, the big boss seemed pretty tensed all day yesterday. he had a meeting with several delegates, coordinators mostly, and those of protection dept.'s. i don't see why they need to fuss so much on this. it was a failed coup d'etat and the president was not dead. our main job is not to save the president who by the way is doing okay despite the wound he had from the shooting.

 

let's focus on taking care of the people suffering from war and other conflicts, guys! mark my word: jose ramos horta is not going to die. at least not anytime soon. what I think would be interesting is that if the vice president, vicente guterres turned out to be an alliance to the rebels. ha! that would surely make my day.

 

other than that, we had a 'missing' delegate coming yesterday. missing delegate is some 'bule' who will deal with the cases of missing person. she probably will deal mostly in dili, but based in jakarta. why dili? simply because nobody can touch the missing person cases in indonesia, so, might as well touch some rookie country like timor leste. why do we even need this delegate? well, it seems that the protection team might have lost some data on some missing persons' cases. so, i guess, she was sent all the way to geneva to fix this mishaps. not sure that she will do any good, though. well, we'll see.

 

as in my booth, nothing fancy has been happening. i think, not even a chaotic riot could shake our booth. that's why i'm drop dead bored.

a longing that i've never known

Dear Life,

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

 

so, as much as i love this. i know i'm stuck. i need some time off. i need to recharge.

 

yours trully,

-lifeless succubus-

why i love my job

1. it got me a dvd player from the family day.. for free
2. it made me do the elvis walk.. though it makes me realize how i'm no longer 12 (thus, am now still suffering from grabbing all those ropes.. shite!)
3. it gives me so many chances to see things i could never imagine before.. including thousands square metres land worth of the biggest pesantren in one of the ex-conflict area in this country
4. it took off the fear out of me.. and probably it ripped off my soul too.. sold it to the mother of all evil but not regreting it to the very bit
5. the people: bu dewi nisa brian lena mbak nina rosy mbak dini panji zelcko mbak rini lisa mas iven mbak enny hesti mbak dwi rofiq pak mul pak pepen edi pak tarjo pak iwan pak yadi joni mbak sugi roso mas winarwan mbak isworo georges dennis mas budi ana loukas layla bang freddie mbak minuk mbak rully bu rina pak ardi gisella corrado wira dokter gabriel mbak esterina mbak ria mbak lana mbak atiah mbak deissy flisch frederique daniel nicolas pierre luc (yea rite! haha..) mbak tuti boim arif pak hari and of course arnaud (wink wink)..
6. and most importantly.. it pays my bill

molucca. 31aug-6sept 2007.

different from any place i've ever been to. a love at frst sight.