wallow.. mellow.. do not disturb

Kalau diperkenankan aku akan mencari ahli hipnotis paling hebat.
Lebih canggih dari Romy Rafael. Kusingkirkan semua bekas-bekasnya yang
melekat di otakku. Biarlah semuanya hilang. Aku tidak ingin seperti
Joel. Aku tidak akan memungut kembali kenangan tentang Clementine.
Hidupku bukan film Holywood. Maka tampaknya aku harus mulai
menikmatinya.

Had I been a cow I would’ve had four guts. Thus, I wouldn’t be such a coward I am now.

For
as long as I lived I only loved two persons in this world. My mother
and my grandmother. How? I don’t know. All I know is just by thinking
that I might lose both of them anytime made me miserable. I don’t think
I can manage if they were gone. I don’t want them to leave me.

Nonetheless,
recently I realized I’ve opened another space for a person that has
been a part of my life dearly for the past two years. I never thought
that I’d save this person a room. I know I cared about this person
since the first time we got to know each other. Still, I never planned
to place this person in the same place where my mother and grandmother
were. I’m not that easy in letting people come and go.

This
person deserves more than some sorry wallowing days. This person is
more than a consecutively self-repeated Natalie Cole’s Stardust or
Duncan Sheik’s Humming. I never realized that. At least not until
two weeks ago.

This person had been everything. Muse. Spirit.
Obsession. Passion. Excitement. Ennui. Advisor. Friend. Foe. Mystery.
Candor. Peril. Safety. Subject. Object. Just like my mother and
grandmother. Only better.

Yes. This is about you. I’m sorry.