mellow milow

there’s something weird about milow. especially with this song. creepily (if not rather offensively) cute.

 

wishlist (1)

memang begadang membuatmu lapar. selapar harimau-harimau sumatera yang terancam punah, yang artikel-artikelnya sedang kau terjemahkan. tetapi di dapur sudah tidak ada apa-apa selain kerapu goreng, yang atasnya kau telah bertekad untuk tidak pernah lagi menyentuhnya, karena perdagangan kerapu yang masih produktif mengancam ekosistem.

semoga jika suatu saat harimau sumatera dan kerapu punah, keteguhan hati itu masih akan tersisa. walaupun perut menguik-nguik seperti anak babi memohon dedak.

happy xmas. war is over(?).

this song was originally sung by john lennon. a single he released with yoko ono in 1971. the same year the hit single ‘imagine’ was released. it was of course related to the vietnam war. many singers have done cover version of this song. u2, the fray, the used, robbie williams and a whole lot more. but as the years passed and the world changed. this song has become more relevant than ever.

 

since the original clip is not available everywhere online in indonesia, i decided to post this one. my most favorite cover version. the clip was from 2004. when adam has not practiced yoga or decided to tattoo his whole body. but maybe his acquaintance with lennon's music was the start of his whole new age crap. who am i to judge. but maroon5 released a christmas album with this song in 2007.

so. this is christmas. what have you done?

note to self (16)

once bitten and twice shy
i keep my distance
but you still catch my eye
my god i thought
you were somebody to rely on
i guess i was just
a shoulder to cry on
a face on a lover
with a fire in his heart

maybe next year,
i'll give it to someone (not so)
special..

sepi sunyi senyap

kata bjork, it's oh so quiet.
benar sekali. no tossing and turning.
falling in love does make the the world go round.
pantas di sini sepi sekali.

stalker me stalking you

i've been watching your world from afar,
i've been trying to be where you are,
ind I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
to me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
you'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
you turn every head but you don't see me.

i'll put a spell on you,
you'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
and when i wake you,
i'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me.

 

sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
and I know, the waiting is all you can do,
sometimes..

 

aqualung – strange and beautiful

 

snapevans

note to self (15)

i always surprise myself on my ability to turn a phrase. words are, in my not so humble opinion, the most inexhaustible source of magic; capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.

 

dumbledore – harry and the deathly hallows part 2

ALWAYS - Lily and Snape(SPOILER WARNING DH Part 2)

ALWAYS - Lily and Snape(SPOILER WARNING DH Part 2)

ALWAYS - Lily and Snape(SPOILER WARNING DH Part 2)

gerutu (14)

i always thought i needed your touch

but maybe i just want you between my crotch

note to self (14)

do not pity the dead, harry. pity the living. above all, pity those who live without love.

 

funny, albus. my brother said that too. when our cousin died several years ago.

 

i thought  i was the smartest.

babies' shits

babysit.babies sit.baby sits.baby shits.

hot (no) shot

kata ibumu: yang penting seagama dan orang karo

be free, dreams..

tampaknya mulai hari ini,

harus meletakkan mimpi

jauh-jauh di dasar lemari.

 

sampai nanti, mimpi.

aku pun belum tahu pasti,

apakah suatu hari akan kembali

the inner granny

when i was a kid, my dad often teased me for being engrossed in the golden girls. he said my idol is estelle getty. growing up, i believe i am very much like estelle getty. at least, like her character in the golden girls. dorothy's ma. sophia petrillo. bitter. and cynical.

i guess my dad's right.

bruschetta sunrise

Description:
the other day when i went to bali for a friend's wedding, i kind of craving for tequilla or vodka sunrise and some decent bruschetta. but the wedding was german. and the cocktail they serve was only capirinha. because the bartender was not a real bartender, he was just a friend of the groom who lent a helping hand. and of course, there was no bruschetta. i had some during one of the brunch, but none even close to my cravings.

so, anyway. yesterday i bought some sunflower seeds bread. they were rather expensive. 28'000 for 6 slices of bread. and i have some leftover mozzarella. and last night after thinking what will i eat the bread with, i remembered that i still have some pesto and canned tuna chunks. so, i decided to make this for breakfast today.

Ingredients:
2 slices of sunflower bread
3 teaspoon of tuna chunks
1-2 teaspoon of instant pesto (who would have the time to chop all those basil and pinenuts?)
shredded mozzarella. the more the merrier. or should i say the meltier.


Directions:
1. lay out the bread on to a plate. pick a pretty plate. so, it will look good in the picture.
2. mix the pesto and the tuna.
3. spread the mixed tuna-pesto on to one of the bread.
4. spread the shredded mozzarella on top of the tuna-pesto layer.
5. spread the mozzarella on top of the other bread.
6. pop them up in the microwave of low heat for 3 – 6 minutes. depends on how you would like your cheese to melt.
7. after several minutes, take them out of the microwave.
8. this is it! bruschetta sunrise ala chef not farah quinn! (don't flush it with vodka, although it might help to get you through the day, getting drunk at the start of the week doesn’t pay off. especially if you need to present the tv interview plan to the bigboss).

gerutu (13)

it is okay to limit diets or do anything that make you suffer,

just as long as you don't nag me about and moreover drag me into it.

for your kind information, i just want to be happy.

and i don't believe that stop enjoying good food is one of the ways.

note to self (13)

every seat you did not give up for the ones who needed it more than you,

is a bad karma for either you or your mother.

mirage

thought i have bigger boobs,

turned out it was the better bra.

gerutu (12)

just so you know, i consciously gave instead of lent you some, hoping that you will stop nagging me with your 'when are you getting married' or 'do you have a boyfriend' questions. just so you know, it is things like these, that make me think gazillion times to marrying somebody who could not provide for the family. yes, it is advised for adults to marry in our religion. but it is also in god's will for married people to be responsible of their marriage. my parents provide to your parents' family. and now i provide to yours. in that definition, don't you think i'm married too?

for fellow beasts

she glanced this way

i thought i saw

and when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw

no it can't be

i'll just ignore

but then she's never looked at me that way before

 

something there – belle and beast

 

konvensi

si sulung jika bertemu dengan orang yang tepat, menjadi seperti si bungsu

; sementara si bungsu, di situasi yang tepat, menjadi seperti si sulung.

jadi, apakah tepat, stereotipe terhadap si sulung dan si bungsu?

marry you

he said yes!

too bad i was only singing along

to bruno mars'

(",)

ergo, ego!

jika ingin dengar suaramu sendiri,

jangan panggil aku untuk bicara.

aku sibuk.

banyak cucian menumpuk.

lama sabakhtani

namanya eloina. perempuan terpilih. anak tuhan yang perempuan. cantiknya juga seperti cantik tuhan. cantik surgawi. suaranya pun semerdu suara tuhan. suara langitan. hatinya setulus pesan tuhan. tanpa beban.

 

tapi aku tidak mampu mengagumi, apalagi memujanya.

 

karena tanpa sadar, ia curi hati eloiku.

another

it's just another number. it's just another age.
another day to remember. and yet another page.
it's only another year. another mere date.
i need not another gear. just another friendly fate.

for another now,
let's live up to our promise that another time,
together we'll celebrate another crime.

-3.4.83+4.4.83 is another plan. someday, let's!-

mamihlapinatapei

let me quote a part of neruda for you, that:

without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,
blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze:
and it follows that i am, because you are:
it follows from ‘you are’, that i am, and we:
and, because of love, you will, i will,
we will, come to be.

perhaps not to be is to be without your being – pablo neruda

gerutu (11)

tentang proyek itu.

 

sejak awal kami semua ragu. oh. mungkin bukan semua, sih. mereka berdua sepertinya merasa yakin. si perempuan mungil berkulit pucat itu. juragan air di thailand. dan dia. si anak orang kaya lulusan eropa. mereka berdua seperti starsky and hutch. hmmm. no. more like harry and loyd. lebih baik menganggap mereka berdua naif, daripada yang lain. bukan begitu? toh, otak-otak jenius mereka terlanjur dipenuhi semilyar teori tentang membantu orang miskin. atau negara terbelakang.

 

tetap saja, aku yang paling ragu. waktu itu, si perempuan mungil berbicara dengan ngotot. mungkin dia pikir aku bodoh. atau tuli. tidak mengerti bahwa ia ingin punya proyek. di sini. bahwa departemennya punya uang. (padahal tidak banyak juga. sedikit sekali malah). aku sudah tahu itu. yang aku mau tahu adalah seperti apa proyeknya. jambankah. sumurkah. pipakah. dengan kontraktorkah. kuli masyarakatkah. apa? beritahu aku. aku lidahmu di sana. lidah, badan dan nyawamu. jika mereka melempar batu. atau membarikade jalan. atau meludah. bukan kau yang akan mengaduh. bukan kau yang rugi jika sesamaku membenci. maka, aku perlu tahu.

 

sahabatku bilang, tidak baik merasa paling pintar atau tidak ada yang baik di dunia ini. maka aku pun menghela nafas panjang. sepanjang egoku yang tidak ingin dibendung, namun harus. lalu, pelan-pelan kami mengikuti kemauan mereka berdua. lady harry and young loyd. jika mereka yang tanpa rencana saja yakin. kenapa kami para tukang kecap paranoid ini tidak? 'though we are wondering why they are the diplomats not us, we are good at flowery words and we always have plans. still, we hope god is making things easier for us. and in some ways prove that our paranoia is reasonable.

 

dan sekarang kami ada di pintu gerbang proyek itu. lapisan pertama. sementara waktu semakin larut. sesuai perkiraan, banyak yang harus dilalui. prosedur. instansi. komunitas. jalan jelek. barang-barang berharga terlalu mahal. kerumunan yang marah. kerumunan pemabuk. muda-mudi berpendidikan tanpa dedikasi. mereka lupa. negara ini berdaulat. sekaligus berlimpah masalah. kami punya mekanisme. itulah, mengapa aku perlu tahu.

 

as paranoia as i am. i am not a quitter. terutama jika menyangkut komitmen membangun bangsa. jadi, jika hari senin nanti di rapat rutin kalian ingin menggilasku for what i have to say. silakan. you started the mess, now you have to eat the shit. worry not, i will help you eating it. just like i always did.

gerutu (10)

hey, lady.

i may come from a third world country. but i know what legume means. karen walker told me.

for your kind information. it is a vegetable. but common people understand it better as 'beans'.

and although vegetable soup in french is translated as soupe aux légume,

rafael told me it was peas cream soup. or in my words sup krim kacang polong.

we could

have dogs and feed them biscuits
then curl ourselves up on the couch
you, with we on playstation
me, with cooking mama on nds
ignore each other till we're 62

guess it would be okay;
as long as we do it together.

illu-si

tunggu. jangan pergi dulu.
bulan juni, kita bersama,
duduk di beranda lagi.
kau rayu marlin main bola,
ku hibur marcel supaya lupa gulagula.
mama suster akan ceria,
selang pendek bisa kau bawa.
lalu mungkin, jika mereka lena
mari ke puncak senyum, untuk tertawa
atau bercinta,
kali ini, tanpa tentara..

illu.jelang senja.menanti listrik menyala.

by the way's (5)

by experience, i just learned that when you are sick your body produced too much base in your mouth, that you unconsciously want acid to balance it. it is why you could only tolerate sour taste. hence, losing your appetite for other tastes.

 

what i am still trying to find, is there any connection between carrying heavy backpacks that result in back pain and heavy diarrhoea?

by the way's (4)

eventually, we had the talk. about her willing to pull up some strings. and me for never wanting to disappoint people. and it is not about wanting to do it or not. it is more about really knowing what you do or are going to do and not suppose to do. all those after hour bitchings should have some 'lessons learned'. and although frankly i do not care about people talking or bitching about my incapability, for people's sake i would hate myself to cause more damage to the already damaged world.

 

she told me an example of a colleague who managed to climb his way through. she told me he is good and great. but i know the juice she did not spill. and i know his quality. i know whose asses he licked. all of which without any sugar coating. everybody knows, well, maybe except her. but she has reasons, i guess. she tried to convinced me that the best way to do is by doing. she said nobody can master everything. true. but i want to master at least something, before i do anything.

 

and just like the conversation i had with the taxi driver on my way back from the airport. had i been given a great power, i would have to make sure that the power does not come with a catch that will bite me hard in the ass. there are far too many things i need to learn before i can have that great power. learning to admit mistakes would be one. admit not being able to do something is therefore another thing. good planning. anger and other overwhelming emotions management. diplomacy. finding solutions. not pointing fingers. respecting other people. and their thoughts. no matter how stupid. and the list goes on.

 

i wished i know what life had planned for me. but because i don't, i need plans. i know they should not weigh me down. but, i cannot help it. i am a paranoid and control freak. i need routines. i live by sets of rules. i grew up watching mission impossible. the series. the martin landau ones. where there were always plan z1 or z2, when the plan a-z failed. even when things did not work out the way they planned, at least there were plans.

 

so, i did not reject the offer. as it was always on the plan. but if it does not work out, it should be okay too because i have other plans. besides, that dream house of mine is still waiting somewhere out there for me. i need to get her soon. and that kind offer, would definitely help.

liebe lebay

i miss my sheldon cooper. who cut me short on ocs because he was in a difficult meeting. i know that he probably was busy restocking bandages or stretchers for jalalabad or amman. or deploying the red for kabul or kandahar or whereverelse. i know that in herod the american army are at an open war with the talebans. but my povidones are all expired and in french. and he should have put 'away' or 'busy' instead of 'available' on his ocs. maybe then, i wouldn't hurt as much.

by the way's (3)

why don't you ask your brother of why we don't want to get married?

gerutu (9)

See my previous message about the propositions made by our company partner knowing that we all know that the problem goes beyond the only our company thoughts. However, the notion of Honorarium still remains bizarre: we will finance 50% of the interventions of our company partner members, during our company partner's seminars, organized and plannified by our company partner... I believe something is wrong.

 

well, dear, i believe your english is wrong. am not sure it is even english. i know it is not spanish, portuguese, or french. but i believe it is not english as well. check with word, even the computer agrees that it is not a language. it doesn't make sense. and you are paid like what? more than our president is paid am sure. beyond that, stop giving us headache. your accent sucks. and your breath stinks.

note to self (12) ditambah gerutu (8)

even though the world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page, reading the whole book doesn't necessarily make one understand the content of the book. don't just travel the whole world, try to understand the way of the world is as or maybe even more important.

when am not out abusing people

i make these. for cupcakes toppings.

 

although all of them look anything but. the left one is a monkey. who doesn’t resemble even a defected one. the middle one is a giraffe. who looks like a long neck cow with a chicken pox. and the right one is a lion. who somehow looks like winnie the pooh wearing a sun costume. oh, well. practice makes perfect.

venerated

the sparkles in my eyes,

the butterflies in my stomach,

the blush on my cheeks,

the glow on my face,

the frown between my unibrow,

the blisters on my feet,

and the pang in my heart,

are only there when you are here.

 

i hate it too..

margaux lange: re-membering barbie fondly

maybe people would think me as morbidly weird (if not creepy) for liking these kind of art. at first i think it is weird either. creepy weird because the artist, margaux lange, uses body parts from mattel's overrated doll: BARBIE. but when i got to her page, i was really impressed. especially after reading her bio. now i think she is talented.

 

although, it is not wrong to somehow remember dexter's ice truck killer season. as a devoted fan of dexter the series, i think art could be weird, morbid, creepy and everything else in between.

 

again, if any of you are watching dexter, there is this episode (living the dream) in season four where he killed and cut the wrong person. that person was a photographer (benny gomez) who photographed his models with 'disturbing' poses. you know, blood, scar and such. and for me, lange's art portrays an even creepier sense. what could be more disturbing than mutilated dolls as an imagery of child innocence combined with violence.

 

well, for me it was disturbing at first. but then i think posting the pictures of the corpse your loved ones on facebook or twitter is far more upsetting. and yes, real people do that. tmi, people.

 

anyways. i only posted 8 pictures here. go on her site or etsy page for more. you can purchase these accessories too.