by the way's (5)

by experience, i just learned that when you are sick your body produced too much base in your mouth, that you unconsciously want acid to balance it. it is why you could only tolerate sour taste. hence, losing your appetite for other tastes.

 

what i am still trying to find, is there any connection between carrying heavy backpacks that result in back pain and heavy diarrhoea?

by the way's (4)

eventually, we had the talk. about her willing to pull up some strings. and me for never wanting to disappoint people. and it is not about wanting to do it or not. it is more about really knowing what you do or are going to do and not suppose to do. all those after hour bitchings should have some 'lessons learned'. and although frankly i do not care about people talking or bitching about my incapability, for people's sake i would hate myself to cause more damage to the already damaged world.

 

she told me an example of a colleague who managed to climb his way through. she told me he is good and great. but i know the juice she did not spill. and i know his quality. i know whose asses he licked. all of which without any sugar coating. everybody knows, well, maybe except her. but she has reasons, i guess. she tried to convinced me that the best way to do is by doing. she said nobody can master everything. true. but i want to master at least something, before i do anything.

 

and just like the conversation i had with the taxi driver on my way back from the airport. had i been given a great power, i would have to make sure that the power does not come with a catch that will bite me hard in the ass. there are far too many things i need to learn before i can have that great power. learning to admit mistakes would be one. admit not being able to do something is therefore another thing. good planning. anger and other overwhelming emotions management. diplomacy. finding solutions. not pointing fingers. respecting other people. and their thoughts. no matter how stupid. and the list goes on.

 

i wished i know what life had planned for me. but because i don't, i need plans. i know they should not weigh me down. but, i cannot help it. i am a paranoid and control freak. i need routines. i live by sets of rules. i grew up watching mission impossible. the series. the martin landau ones. where there were always plan z1 or z2, when the plan a-z failed. even when things did not work out the way they planned, at least there were plans.

 

so, i did not reject the offer. as it was always on the plan. but if it does not work out, it should be okay too because i have other plans. besides, that dream house of mine is still waiting somewhere out there for me. i need to get her soon. and that kind offer, would definitely help.

liebe lebay

i miss my sheldon cooper. who cut me short on ocs because he was in a difficult meeting. i know that he probably was busy restocking bandages or stretchers for jalalabad or amman. or deploying the red for kabul or kandahar or whereverelse. i know that in herod the american army are at an open war with the talebans. but my povidones are all expired and in french. and he should have put 'away' or 'busy' instead of 'available' on his ocs. maybe then, i wouldn't hurt as much.